Madmatics of Life

I turn around and see a little girl Tormented, confused and alone She wants to scream, loud and clear There are demons she needs to fight She is asking for a helping hand A supportive, non-judgemental voice She is looking for someone reliable Her screams are ignored by many Her hand, outstretched. gets tired of waiting She hears a few voices, low murmurs in her direction Singing songs of lies, betrayal and pessimism She tries to shut them out completely  But they end up controlling her heart Whoever she looks up to with helpless eyes Shows her that she is alone in this war Against the exponentially increasing demons Just then I look into the mirror and shudder The young girl is now looking at me with hope Slowly, she grows up into none other than my own self Now, it hits me, the significance of it all I must be my own savior, I am all I have I just need to extend my hand towards myself Pull myself out of the house of darkness & demons Pull myself into the light and let me be Bl...

“Ignore her crying, she is like that only”, “she is always confused and troubles other people with her dilemmas”, “she seems very rude and clueless”, “she is a very negative person and I cannot have her as a friend”. I have been given all these reasons in the past from people I relied on for abandoning me. Just when I think I can trust someone, they run out of patience and run for their lives like I am Titanic and I will take them into the icy waters with me. You know, if I am to be titanic, all I want is someone to be the band and never give up being with me. After taking around fifty therapy sessions and being on medication for over an year now, a question hit me today as I was driving on the expressway en-route a friend's engagement party.  "Will I ever be anxiety-free?. I think I got my answer today itself. No. It's not a cape, that can be just shed with a little effort to untie the knots. It is in fact, a part of who I am. It's embedded so deep into my personality...

  Life is highly dependent on this thing called “Heart” - both in the biological sense and in the other sense, when we refer to the emotional center of our brain and simply call it “the heart”. People often say things like “listen to your heart”, “home is where the heart is”, “the heart wants what it wants” and many more such phrases. Now when you take these phrases literally, it sets out  funny conversations in our minds. Something that goes like:  Okay, I need to listen to my heart, I am listening but all I can hear is thump thump! I don’t hear an answer to my dilemma. Home is where the heart is, the heart is in my body, so is that my address? Well, it is technically where I live and will continue to live as long as I live. But, I thought home was a place where I felt comfortable and could be myself. Did someone give me the wrong directions?! *opens Google Maps* The heart wants what it wants. Blood? More blood? Fully functioning arteries? A massage?? Yes, they do massa...

What comes to our mind when we hear the word inhibitions - a block, a restraint, suppression of a desire, a hesitation? Agreed. An inhibition is something that pulls you back or that keeps you tied up in your current state. A significant characteristic of “inhibitions” that I have been able to identify is that we have inhibitions about things we really really really want to experience. Then what makes us keep ourselves devoid of that experience? Where do these strong forces originate? Can they be overcome by conscious or subconscious effort?  From what I have observed and learnt in almost three decades of my life - inhibitions can be physical or mental. Physical inhibitions are the visible factors in a person’s life that prevent him or her from moving forward in life such as, lack of resources, a disability or lack of equal opportunity as others, or also the environment in which a person has been brought up in. Mental inhibitions are the invisible factors preventing a person fro...

“I don’t know”. Three words. Three words you know very well. Three words that are enough to annoy the person in front of you. But, these three words are the only ones that you know to be safe. You know that as long as you say these words, you are not exactly making a decision. And since, there is no decision, there will be no consequences. Not taking any decision, that’s your comfort zone. Well, isn’t that the best place to be in? Every time I am faced with a decision in life, it feels like a sword hanging over my head. My mind starts working like a complex algorithm that is almost impossible to solve. “If”, “But”, “what if”, “no”, “yes” – these words start dancing in my mind carrying strings of the past. The craziness of the thoughts reaches a level where that decision becomes a matter of death and death. Yes, not life and death, but death and death – because that’s all you can see ahead. OVERTHINKING. People say things like you are indecisive, you are not taking their advice, that yo...