They say change is the only constant. Maybe that’s true. But, I have this very strong belief that we all like to have some constants through those changes in life. A mathematical equation often has two parts - the constant and the variable (eg. y=ax+b). Don’t roll your eyes already, I was a maths nerd in school and it’s a core part of my personality. It’s only fair that I have drawn various parallels (yes, like the lines) between life and mathematics! My point is: we all need some things that are constant to our variable lives so that we can function continuously.
A fact often overlooked by us is that we spend the majority of our life nurturing two aspects of life: (i) our passions, and (ii) our relationships. Sometimes more time is spent on one than the other, and other times it’s the other way round. It often depends from person to person which aspect holds more prominence in their life, or maybe on luck, as to which aspect do people actually get as a relatively constant companion. Neither of these when associated with a third entity are, for real, going to stay with us forever.
I remember telling my friends once, that they were the constants in my continuously varying life when I realised they are never going to leave me. Well, I think it was just too late for them to back out of our 14 year old friendship and by then they were experts on handling me with my anxiety. I also remember thinking that my first job would be my final step towards achieving constancy in life. This was the job that I loved despite being the only person in the history of corporate careers to resign thrice from the same job within two years! Moreover, and probably the most mortifying belief was that I thought that there exists someone who would fall in love with me once, and stay in love with me forever, no matter how hard I made it. Now when I think about all these beliefs, I know that that was just me being naive, thinking I had found my happiness in life and it would stay. VERY NAIVE. I was literally on the top of Mt. Everest of NAIVETY!
Now, when I am four years older than my naive-self and have experienced almost fifty full-fledged panic attacks, I know the difference between a belief based on fairytales, romantic and other coming of age movies + shows (Both Bollywood and Hollywood, from Ranbir Kapoor to Tom Hanks!). I know now that I need to tweak my beliefs a little, rethink what’s actually permanent and what’s temporary in life. Tweaking them just a little, because I still want someone to re-create Yeh Jawani Hai Deewani with me, or run after me at the airport to stop me from going away forever, or leave my parents’ home dramatically in anger only to realise my passion and prove myself.
Firstly, our passions. I realised that our biggest passion lies in our drive and motivation to live life as it comes at you, with a fighter-survivor attitude. As they say, when life gives you lemons, make lemonade. You may lose a job you really liked, or an opportunity you really wanted, or you may grow out some hobbies. Dejected, we often forget that the most important constant factor - passion, is within us, not without. As long as the passion is within us, no one can take it away from us. What becomes variable then is the mode by which we express our passionate self. A new job, a new opportunity, a new hobby is out there waiting for us to be brought alive by the magical touch of our passion.
Secondly, our relationships. This is rather difficult to understand and explain. Relationships are by nature, fragile, and thus need a different type of nurturing. People cannot be just divided into 12 horoscopes and given generalised traits. Each person you associate yourself with is unique. It takes months or often years to really know and understand how a person is the way he or she is and what kind of relationship you want with this person. Any relationship takes effort. The difficult part is deciding which person is worth your efforts. The constant factor here, which I have come to realise, is intention. For me, intention means how much you want a relationship to work, whether it is with friends, family or any other relationship. Intention then includes the efforts one makes to stay connected, more importantly through emotional understanding. A relationship should be able to make you feel secure, calm and have the trust that if you fall, the other person will only bring you up, instead of making you fall further down.
However, apart from these two aspects, there is another aspect that is core to our search for happiness: Self-love. Self-respect, self-awareness, self-dependency and self-confidence are the most most most most (I cannot stress on it enough) crucial factors in this quest. Your passion for self and your relationship with yourself are the hidden elements, the ace of spades in your game. If you have these, your journey will be easier just like a tough day is after your best friend comes over. The key point then, is to start your search within, because only then can you embark upon your quest of looking for happiness with third-party companions. So, keep your passions alive, your intentions clear and make self-love your top priority. Three elements to make the algorithm work and give you the most probable results to “your source of happiness”.
Yes that core part of your personality is showing, who else would put equations in matters of the heart :P
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